1. Top Gear hasn't always had it's current format of laddish banter, light entertainment and xenophobic paranoia. It used to be a consumer show about cars.
2. For many years the true identity of the Stig had been open to here say. That was until it was surprisingly revealed to be Eastenders pinup Dean Gaffeny in his controversial autobiography 'Enoch Powell & Me; the Robbie Jackson Story'.
3. The key demographic for Top Gear are white British males aged 18 to 45 who vote UKIP and drive cars, but a staggering 23% of the viewing figures are made up of women and not all of them lesbians.
4. When the recession hit in 2008 the BBC had to make drastic budget cuts. As a consequence all the outside broadcast footage from season 5 were just the cut scenes from Gran Turismo 2 on playstation.
5. Top Gear is sold by the BBC to every country in the world, but to ensure the format retains it's integrity teams of translators work tirelessly to make all the racist slurs regionally appropriate. For example Irael's version of Jeremy Clarkson thinks the Palestinians make substandard hatchbacks and surrender prematurely in wars.
6. When the change in law was made regarding same sex couples adopting children in 2012 Jeremy Clarkson and James May legally adopted Richard Hammond.
7. Jeremy Clarkson famously hates motorbikes, but why? Well whilst in his early 20s on a day trip to Blackpool Jeremy was mugged by a Kawasaki 903 Z1. The motorbike was black. I'm just saying.
8. Top Gear has helped launch the career of presenter James May to unprecedented heights, but little is known about the quintessential English gent. This is mainly because James May is actually a king Charles spaniel voiced by ventriliquist Ray Alan.
9. Every episode of Top Gear has the brilliant 'star in a reasonably priced car' section. All except for episode 6 of season 4 when serial killer Rose West, who posted an impressive 1 minute 49 seconds (In wet conditions) was pulled by censors.
10. Jeremy Clarkson has always courted controversy for his narrow minded, xenophobic, and occasionally racist comments, this is because he is a cunt hidden under the gossamer thin veil of a dick.
No problems here
ReplyDeleteBisq
11. Along with Richard 'The hamster' Hammond, gazutd and Ronnie Corbett(who fucking hates me), I have been writing The Vicar of Dibley for the last 5 years.
ReplyDeleteSee what you missed out on, son?
I drive the boy racer's choice BMW series 3 compact with M written on the gear stick which means it goes like shit off a shovel but my wife won't forgive me as it's effectively a four seater and we've got there kids but did I mention it goes like shit off a shovel?
ReplyDelete*three kids
ReplyDeleteI drive a car that starts,stops and steers vaguely in the correct direction.
ReplyDeleteAlthough it's magnificent in the snow,which is fairly crucial up here in the hills.
Whereas all of you down south need the Lotus from James Bond.
My mate in The Hague grows some Top Gear.
ReplyDelete