Wednesday, 5 March 2014

Jeremy Kyle

1. Jeremy Kyle has been helping people his entire life. When he was a boy of no more than 10, he opened a little doctors practice in his garden. Specialising in treatments for playground scrapes and home abortions. 

2. A devout Christian, when Kyle was in his early 20s he went on a missionary trip to Jerusalem, where he was quickly hailed as the new messiah.

3. Jeremy Kyle doesn't stop caring when the cameras stop rolling. In 2009 he opened 'The Jezza Foundation', a charity which has provided over 2000 lower class British citizens with affordable cider and first rate 2 stripe tracksuits.

4. Jeremy Kyle has battled his demons the same as we all have, but unlike the figurative demons of alcoholism or serial adultery dealt with on his show, JK actually battled real demons, as he spent 3 years as an exorcist. 

5. Jeremy Kyle has come under criticism from many for his exploitation of the problems faced by nieve, under educated people trapped in a never ending spiral of abuse. Well if a free night in a hotel in Manchester and a crate of cider is exploitation, sign me up.

6. Jeremy Kyle is not afraid of confrontation because he is an experienced cage fighter, trained in many disciplines of the martial arts. Those two lunking meatheads he has on stage when he taunts a man in a tracksuit who failed a DNA test, are only there to balance the studios feng-shui. 

7. Jeremy has been routinely questioned about his harsh treatment of drug addicts on the show. This methodology is confusing to many as JK himself has for many years had a gambling addiction. But gambling is not illegal, and it was only ever a flutter, it never got out of hand and he can quit anytime he wants. Not like druggy scum.

8. As well as being probably the best television presenter ever, a 4 time humanitarian of the year winner and a former male model, Jeremy Kyle is also a dab hand at music, he co-wrote N-Dubz second album.

9. Before her tragic death in Paris the Princess of Hearts, Princess Lady Di, had planned to appear on the pilot of the Jeremy Kyle show in a DNA test special.

10. Jeremy Kyle is 52 years old! He puts his young looks down to eating plenty of fresh fruits and a special ointment made from orphan tears and baby panda blood. He goes through a whole pot everyday!

4 comments:

  1. Is Jeremy Kyle english for Jerry Springer?

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    Replies
    1. It's like a darker creepier jerry springer. Imagine the jerry springer show where jerry springer is replaced with Peter Sutcliffe.

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  2. Speaking of Orphan tears;

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=929sn1qMCcM&feature=kp

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  3. Few men have bestridden this earth with the moral clarity of Jeremy Kyle. I'd like to see him as prime minister to see him in full flow at pmqs taking on his political opponents 'you're paedophile scum and you know you are, get get yourself a proper job and get off my stage'

    ReplyDelete