Benefit Britain

1. Benefits were invented by Labour prime minister Clement Attlee, the great communist bastard.

2. Five hundred benefits are claimed in Britain every second. In fact in the time it has taken to read this fact close to a billion pounds in benefit money will have been paid to scum in tracksuits. 

3. Benefits are taken from the government, but where does the government get its money from? Your taxes, that's jolly well where!

4. Like most of Britain's richest men, Richard Branson has his many businesses registered in Switzerland and as a result pays very little in tax to the UK government. Richard does this to ensure his hard earned money isn't given to scroungers.

5. Anyone who is unable to work for any reason is eligible for benefits in the UK. But a staggering unknown percentage are claimed solely by people who are brown or speak with an accent.

6. One foreign family from central London have scammed countless millions from the UK tax payer, they've never done an honest days work in their lives and yet they drive around in chauffeur driven Bentleys eating diamond sandwiches and quaffing liquid gold, all paid for by you!

7. Benefit scandals get ordinary honest white, I mean British, folks all wound up. So it is natural that many tabloid papers exploit this to sell their hack shit. However one overly inflammatory headline from the Sun last year meant that Portsmouth pediatrician Dr. Benny Fitz was beaten to within an inch of his life.

8. Britain is a soft bloody touch and foreigners know that they can come here and get a free ride. But what pays for that free ride? You guessed it... benefits. 

9. Chanel 4 recently came under harsh criticism from OFCOM for its knee-jerk, reactionary, poverty porn, hate-umentary 'Benefit Street', for using slick editing techniques to make all people on benefits seem like greasy turds. But bosses at Chanel 4 were keen to remind viewers that there is no smoke without fire.

10. If every one on benefits got a job, the UK would be so rich that none of us would ever have to work again.