Tuesday, 15 April 2014

StarWars

1. StarWars lead man Luke Skywalker was played by actor Mark Hamil, but director George Lucas had originally wanted Dad's Army star Arthur Lowe to play the part. 
2. StarWars was based on the 1958 Japanese movie 'The Hidden Fortress'. But that movie was based actually based on Disney's direct to VHS hit 'Earnest Saves Christmas'.
3. StarWars is one of the biggest grossing movies of all time. If George Lucas made a dollar for every movie ticket sold, he would be so rich you would want to kick a mouse in the face. Well he did, he is and you do.
4. In the 1999 public census enough people listed their religion as Jedi to legally make it an actual religion. This infuriated the Catholic Church so much that then Pope, John Paul 2.0, forced Harrison Ford to convert to Catholicism by making him watch his friends die then making him fight his dad.
5. In 2008 a petition in Sweden to remove the StarWars prequels from history was signed by 24,000,000 people.
6. The really good sequels and really shit prequels were never meant to be made. The original 'New Hope' was meant to be a stand alone satire of Mel Brook's 'Spaceballs'.
7. Bounty Hunter 'Boba Fett' was played by none other than Eastenders favorite Adam Woodyat. 
8. Alec Guinness was one of the great method actors of his generation and spent 25 years training as a Jedi in the Degaba System as preparation for the role.
9. StarWars is not only remembered by its legions of fans for it's visual attributes, it's sound effects are just as revered. What makes them even more impressive is that they were all recoded on the fly by Police Academy's Michael Winslow. 
10. George Lucas received a huge back lash from irate StarWars fans when in 1998 he released the special editions of the movies. The outrage was caused as many elements of the movie had been radically changed to suit younger movie goers. For example in the special edition version the Death Star is digitally replaced by The Ninky Nonk from cbeebies cult classic 'In The Night Garden'. (Google it)

Tuesday, 8 April 2014

Bob Marley

1. Before ever picking up a guitar, the young Bob Marley dreamed of owning and operating his own small independent accountancy firm.

2. Though best know for hits like 'No Woman No Cry' or '3 Little Birds' Bob's first foray in to the world of music was as a Tom Jones impersonator. 

3. Bob Marley has for many years been associated with smoking cannabises, or 'doobies' as they are known on the street. But in reality Marley never took so much as an aspirin. Hated druggers. 

4. As we all know Jamaican's are really fast and Bob was no exception, winning gold in the 100m final at the 1976 summer Olympics. 

5. Like all reggae singers Bob Marley was proud of his natty rasta dreads. But hairologists from the National Museum of Celebrity Barnets in Manchester now believe that Marley's famous doo was a fake!

6. Bob Marley had many showbiz pals, one of the closest was martial arts wiz Bruce Lee. Marley even starred along side Lee in 'Game of Death' playing the part of NBA star Kareem Abdul Jabbar.  

7. Bob Marley's dad invented the machine that puts stripes in toothpaste.

8. Bob Marley played with his backing band 'The Wailers' until they were brutally murdered by misinformed Greenpeace activists.

9. Bob Marley in real life never actually shot the sheriff, and he certainly didn't shoot any deputies! He did however kill a man in cold blood, in what was a tragic crime of passion.

10. Bob Marley was the fist ever celebrity to provide a voice over for long running cartoon comedy The Simpsons. Voicing Sideshow Bob's lawyer in season 1.

Thursday, 3 April 2014

Ghosts

1. When you die you become a ghost, unless you're a Buddhist or one of them that thinks you come back as a cat or something.

2. Ghost was actor Patrick Swayze's third best film after Road House and that other one. But its the only one he has a chance of appearing in any sequels too. 

3. The holy ghost is a spooky kind of Jesus that's comes out at Easter and Halloween.

4. A ghost writer isn't a type of poltergeist that writes stuff. It's what comedians on BBC1 stand up programmes use to appear funnier than they really are.

5. Some people, like Derek Anchora, believe that they can talk to ghosts and they get money from vulnerable people to communicate with their dead relatives. The word for someone who can talk with the spirits is 'cunt'.

6. Yorkshire resident Sheila Headband claims that her 2 bed semi is haunted by none other than the late prime minister Margaret Thatcher. That or kids from the estate are stealing her milk.

7. London is the second most haunted place in the world. It's ancient buildings are said to be home to all kinds of spooks and spectres. The most haunted place however remains Anne Widdecombe's vagina.

8. A ouiji board is a mystic peace of wood that some say can channel spirits, but it's not its just a bit of wood.

9. Star of Ghost Busters, Dan Aykroyd, landed the role in the 80's Hollywood blockbuster as he is actually a ghost. Aykroyd died in Canada in 1896 and after spending many years floating around houses moving things on shelves, he decided to give acting a go. The rest is history!

10. Casper is supposed to be the friendliest of all ghosts, and for the most part that's true, unless your gay, then he has little time for you. But to be fair he's from a different era, it was alright in his day to be all bigoted and shit.